Are you a “fancy” sailor or not? Find out in fifteen points

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pussies
True sailors are known to hate “pussies.”
Those who experience the boat for a short time a year, but when this happens, they feel they are in the heart of “Milan to drink.” If you don’t want to risk being roughed up at the dock by rough sailors, we suggest you check out this fifteen-point list to make sure that you are not, in fact, a “cool sailor .”

We are sure that many points are missing. Help us complete the list with a nice comment!

In the boat, you are a “pussy” if you…

… waxing below 1,500 won’t even be considered. Then you only use it one weekend a year for the Fried Pancake Regatta.

… you show up on board with Louis Vuitton suitcases studded with diamonds, lapis lazuli. Obviously rigid and bulky!

… Sperry-type boat moccasins you wear (strictly with invisible ghost) even when you go on a trip to the Val Brembana mushroom festival.

… you have diluted in fresh water on board a 1,000-euro essence so that you can have a scented shower at sunset in the roadstead. It matters little, then, if the pasta water tastes like Calvin Klein because you have a unique reservoir.

… the last time your hand touched a sheet was when, with a connoisseur’s eye, you were evaluating its elasticity and handling at the shipchandler (even though you don’t distinguish spectra from braided straw and believe Dyneema is an explosive)

… park the SUV next to the boat. And your berth is at the end of a 70 cm wide floating dock.

… three species of Proto-African albino leopard have been extinct to make your shipboard cushions.

… in the bow, instead of the calavele, you have a thermocontrolled wine cellar with 500 labels from the best chateaus in Perigord. Or at least, you had it until you decided to hire two bowmen from Trieste.

… you have the hypersatellite supermega-clock that tells you the angle of incidence of your keel when sailing with respect to the jigs provided by a specialized Swiss research center and projects your polars into the sky like Batman (but in the end you only use it to know your lunchtime).

… “I either stay at the helm or I do the tactics.”

… on board instead of the classic water bottle to pass around with the whole crew, you just have Chiara Ferragni-branded plastic bottles.

… the only crossing you made was between Portofino and Santa Margherita Ligure, obviously by motor, but you’re pulling it like you’re on your 15th Whitbread.

… if you decided to make the cockpit table mirrored so that when you’re at the helm the reflected sun maximizes your tan.

… you have press office, social media manager, press kit, account manager regarding boat and crew. But you’ve never done a regatta.

… you put a 600-horsepower inboard engine on a 12-footer. And when you’re cruising at full throttle your boat looks like Mickey Mouse’s Steamboat Willie, not to mention the tsunamis caused by the displacement of water.

 


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