“Sailors, I hate you”: a reader sends “to hell with” everyone who…

“Sailors, I hate you.” This is just the subject line of the email Andrea Scopesi sent us. An email where the reader vents all his “hatred” toward certain categories of sailors. “But what sailors, and sailors, these guys here are the bane of sailing.” Andrea sends to hell (but in the letter the expression was much more colorful) a fair percentage of cruisers, racers, etc.: we would like to point out, she does so ironically, even though we know she will make many enemies! Do you agree with him or do you feel called out? Are there any other categories, in your opinion, worthy of inclusion in this “unseemly” list? In the meantime, thank you, Andrea. Here in the newsroom we are still laughing!

I HATE SAILORS WHO…

1. They blame the crew and sails if the boat does not walk in the race, and then you find out that they haven’t landed the three quintals of anchor chain, that they have a mussel farm-style hull, and that in the kitchen they have a set of tableware to put Roberto Da Crema to shame.

2. In the boat, if you find yourself unfortunate enough to be near the deckhouse, with the sneakiest “while you’re there” they force you to go below deck to get your choice of: sandwich, water, rags, sponges, winch handles, bottles of Prosecco.

3. They say they know everything, that they have read a thousand manuals, but they actually confuse tacking with gybing.

4. They think they are witty sailors by making the usual joke: “Don’t hoist Genoa, I cheer for Sampdoria.”

5. When cruising, they only use the motor because they “want to get there first.” So why didn’t you buy a motor boat?

6. They fall into the category of so-called “dockside swells”: if there were 15 knots at sea, they become 30. If there were 30 boats, it becomes 100. If they turn the buoy ahead by two lengths, it is immediately “ocean gap.” A disease that also affects fishermen as well as sailors.

7. They cover you under spinnaker, in racing, even though you are in two different categories. And you can see it in their eyes that deep down they enjoy it. Even worse if you happen to be on a cruise!

8. They tack on your upwind nose just for the sake of it. And you can’t do anything about it: it’s the waste, baby.

9. In fee-based regattas, they euphemistically tarook their boat unethically. Surprise removable parts, phantom ballasts, and so on. Those far from the fleet turn on the engine.

10. In the roadstead, where there is only you, they give bottom so that their anchor goes to position above yours.

11. “Let’s make the America’s Cup with J Classes” (as if they were cheap).

12. “But do you want to put the safety of a large displacement boat?”

13. I don’t trust hanging rudders, better skeg, ignoring decades of technological innovation.

14. When they go to choose the new boat, they send the wife the picture of the kitchen.

15. They haven’t changed the mainsail in 10 years, but in return they have a full batten rotating wing awning designed by an aerospace engineer.

16. They sail with fenders and to look less unworthy (called “chocolatiers”) they pull them up on deck.

17. Cruising is prohibited upwind!